I just realised the other day that whenever I do pretty much everything that I enjoy in my day to day life, I feel guilty about it. It just hit me like whoah I can’t even enjoy a meal without feeling guilty. I can’t even enjoy my own success without feeling guilty. Or work in the night on my laptop without guilt. It’s nuts.
Slowly I’m stopping myself when I feel guilt or like I should apologise, and just trying to get to the root of it. It has taken 25 years to wire my brain into this way of thinking, but hopefully it won’t take that long to rewire it to love myself better without apologies.
Here are 12 things we should all stop apologising for right now.
1. Being A Boss
How many times have you tried to down play your success because you don’t want to come across as snobby or up yourself? Yeah, I know girl.
Honestly I haven’t even told my family and friends about my Etsy shop that earns more money than I used to earn at a regular full time job! I don’t want to come across like I’m showing off. Isn’t that strange? I am actually really proud of it and of myself for learning new skills while being a stay at home mum.
We are allowed to feel proud of our achievements in life and to celebrate them! Sharing your success with your family and friends is something to enjoy, not something that we should shy away from.
Girl, shout your successes from the rooftops!
2. Being Better At Things Than Your Male Counter Parts
Similar to my last point, how many of us women have avoided sharing our success because we don’t want to make the men in our lives less worthy or less successful?
I know that this is something that occurs in my own life. I have even held myself back from striving to reach greater heights because I do not want my husband to feel less like the breadwinner.
This is nuts and I am letting go of this fear.
We are all good at different things and it is our right to be the best that we can be, in whatever we chose to do. If your husband is uncomfortable with your success then well, you know what I’m thinking..
3. Taking Time For Ourselves
Sometimes you need to be gentle on your self and to replenish your energy. You should never have to apologise for this. Ever.
I know that I often feel so freaking guilty for taking ten minutes to myself to just chill the fuck out. I end up just not even bothering a lot of the time because I feel like I have to set everyone up first so that they survive for ten minutes while I breathe.
You don’t need to apologise to your husband or boyfriend for wanting some time alone either. Yeah, they might get a bit stroppy, but don’t feel bad about it! It’s your right to chill out alone.
4. Having Goals
I have tried to suppress my big goals and to just be content with the daily routine that we have going on. I feel guilty for wanting more than just cooking and cleaning.
The thing is though, that I wouldn’t be me without my dreams.
My goals are to earn enough money to travel with my family full time. I am not taking anything away from anyone by having these dreams. It’s okay to have these goals and I don’t have to apologise for wanting more from my life.
Girl, strive for whatever you want to strive for. Your family will not fall apart if you learn a new skill or start a business or take up jogging, or whatever you want to do!
5. Exploring Your Sexuality
If you are a woman and you enjoy having sex you must be a slut right? There must have some kind of daddy issues or some shit if you have had sex with a lot of partners right?
Ladies – lets stop apologising for our sexuality. It is our right to explore this side of ourselves without guilt. We should all enjoy the beauty of sex and exploring our bodies without shame or feeling like there is something wrong with us.
6. The Way Your Body Looks
We all know that we should be confident in our bodies, yet the world also tells us not to be. Everyone’s all like love yo self, oh wait not that part of you.. oh not that either. Oh and you are hairy so you might want to not love that part.
We. Need. To. Love. Our. Bodies.
All of our bodies.
If you are thin you are thin. If you are fat you are fat. If you have plastic surgery, then that’s up to you too. Your skin, your hair and even your god damn vulva are all beautiful! Just the way they are.
I have spent 25 years on this earth and only 4 or 5 times have I ever worn shorts. I have probably only even wore a bathing suit once and that was in Kenya where I felt fully free in my body. I live by the sea. And I have never enjoyed it.
How sad is that?
7. Having a Messy House
This may seem small and silly, but actually I am sure I am not the only one who is constantly grumpy and anxious because the house is a mess.
I will be sitting on the ground trying to be present with River and all I can think about is “Oh Sudan will be home soon and the house is a mess and the dishes are on the bench and he’s going to think I’ve been sitting on my bum all day.” It means I can’t fully get into playing and I just end up grumpy and stressed.
If you have toddlers you know that life is a hurricane. I spend all day cleaning and the house is still a freaking mess.
Well ladies lets just chill out about it. Next time someone pops in and you want to say “omg sorry about the mess” just stop yourself. Just put the jug on and enjoy their company. I am sure their house is also a mess. And if it’s not that’s just weird.
8. Your Emotions
How many times have you been made out to feel like you overreact to things or that you are stroppy or crazy even.
I know, same.
Don’t shy away from this side of yourself. Being emotional doesn’t make you crazy. It makes you human.
You feelings are valid. Listen to your emotions and don’t try and suppress them to make others comfortable. You are allowed to feel things however you need to feel them. If you need to take ten minutes out to have a little cry then do it.
9. How You Parent
I know that I do my absolute 100% best that I can at raising River with the tools that I have. I literally could not put in anything else, and I know that pretty much all of you mamas out there are the same.
how many times do you feel the need to defend your parenting though? I know that I have had to defend the way that I parent River to friends and family, some of whom do not even have children.
I feel so small and silly trying to explain that I wasn’t weird for breastfeeding River at 18 months old. Or that she wasn’t going to grow up with attachment issues for co-sleeping.
The thing is that it is no body’s business but ours and as long as I am loving and caring for my child, then I do not need to apologise or justify my decisions.
10. Your Personality
Sounds like a no brainer right. Well, you’d think by now we women would feel comfortable with being who we are without apologising, but I don’t think it’s always the case.
Either we are too bubbly or we are too boring or we are too grumpy or too weird or too enthusiastic. Even the way we talk gets criticised!
Stop feeling like you have to be a certain way. If you have a resting bitch face then sweet. If you get overly excited and and have a high pitched voice then sweet. Just be you, seriously.
11. For What You Eat
Though out my lifeI have gone through stages of not eating in public or in front of boys/men. I have tried to hide what I eat and shovel in food really quickly in private so no one sees. I still do it.
It’s like because I am quite plus size, whenever I eat I just feel like people are judging me. They are judging what I’m eating and how much of it is on my plate. I know a lot of the time no one cares, but sometimes I have had remarks about my food.
“Oh I thought you were on weight watchers.”
“You don’t need that much food.”
“Whoah Becci that’s a big plate.”
“In New Zealand do you only eat burgers and pizza because you are very fat”… um what lol no
What ever you eat is only for you to decide and if you choose to sit down with a giant ass banquet of burgers and chips then that’s your call.
12. Saying No To Having Sex
Whether you are single or you are married, you should never feel like you have to apologise for saying no to having sex. Even if you are naked and seconds away from actually having sex, you are still allowed to say no without feeling guilty.